Jesse Lingard rejects new deal (satire)

He’s seen as something a cult hero. When I say cult hero, think Martin Braithwaite and of course Nicholas Bendtner, or as he’s affectionately known ‘Lord Bendtner’. For those of you who watch the Inbetweeners, our Nicholas isn’t Jay in disguise! Jay would probably say he taught Ronaldo all he knows, (both Ronaldo’s that is).

Not quite so sure why there’s a Danish feel to this cult hero thing, but another player on the list is Englishmen Jesse Lingard. Seen as a youngster at 28, coming on 29 this lad is surely going to be the Benjamin Button of football.

Under Louis Van Gaal and Mourinho more so, Lingardinho flourished but Jesse’s form declined and our young hero became trapped in the footballing dungeon (the subs bench). Jesse did have some freedom and on loan he went and into the sunset he went (well East London).

Our Dabbing Jesse and flute playing young gun got the stardust sprinkled into his feet and scored goals and got assists too, something that eluded him for over a year. This was amazing for our hero Lingard, he can go back to the castle and show he’s a man and not a boy.

The king of the Manchester United castle Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has not been fully convinced and has only afforded Prince Lingard minimal time of freedom from the football dungeon that is the subs bench.

Lingard agreed a deal with King Ole, he wrote it in ink too! He can leave at the end of the season if he isn’t freed, but this is mismanagement by OGS. He had the chance to get 30 million piece of gold coins, but Mr J Lingz is still here at Old Trafford.

With dance floor moves smoother than silk and a clean shaven man’s face, Jesse could go into reality TV whether it be Dancing on Ice, Strictly or I could even see him on Love Island. Jesse Lingard has one of those faces.

The Strictly come dancing option would be one Lingard will love, think about it strictly dancing! Just came to me as I was trying to help Jesse with a potential alternative career path, TikTok star! Instead of Kiki do you love me, Jess will be singing Ole do you love me right?

If you do Lingardinho, please for the love of God don’t walk in the middle of the road and do dances that only you could muster with your car door open.

We have seen the former West Ham loanee be quite the prankster and joker on many a video, so why are we suggesting all these alternate careers? Well sports fans, the reason is simple Jesse Lingard is in the last year of his Man United contract and well, with the 28-year old snubbing West Ham, the team that were the most serious of signing, the next move for Lingard is far from certain.

Bruno Fernandez, might not have the moves on the dance floor, but after the defeat against Aston Villa, the Portuguese man has shown he too is multi-skilled, if Portugal do get a Rugby Union side, he will be their kicker in waiting.

Sure the former Lisbon man could convert the conversion from a try or score a drop-goal if needed. Bruno Fernandez and Paul Pogba and several other players who are blocking the route into the first team for the Warrington born Lingard.

It was a very admirable move by Lingard to stay and fight for his place, but with Pogba who is also in the last year of his contract and Anthony Elanga amongst an impressive crop of new youngsters coming through, Jesse Lingard’s decision although admirable is turning out to be naive.

No football player wants to be locked in the footballing dungeon (ask Van Der Beek). Manchester United who in the past never allowed this happen, have seen two players who Ole has publicly said he wants to keep, have just one year left on their contracts with no extension agreement appearing to be not forth coming.

Maybe Newcastle Riyadh (sorry United) could be the saviour? Never say never.

Man United with their poor management of player contracts sound like a certain club from London, Arsenal is that you?

Have you moved to South Manchester? Well it would be easier for London based Manchester United fans if that was the case.

Jesse Lingard (Right) is in a contract stand off with the club, which is a sign of the changing times in football

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